Beyond The Green Inferno (20never)
It is about to get real. Why? Because enough is enough. This will be quick. Promises. If you don’t want to read a full explanation, I’ll cut it short for you. Eli Roth is a young filmmaker that has made a handful of terrible horror and action films. I’m calling him out on one. And it’s a big one. It’s The Green Inferno. I would usually give a full review but that would be a waste of time. There truly is a number one reason why the film is awful, why people’s heads spin at the thought that someone greenlit this inferno in the first place and why this man should be stopped. How he gets interviewed to add commentary to the Scream series making-of? Magic?
The Blair Witch Project is a loved and hated film. Considered by some to be terrifying, to others it was considered boring as all hell. Regardless of whether you liked it or not, it is undoubtedly a pinpoint on a timeline and very important to the horror genre, the found footage genre, and cinema as a whole.
(The Blair Witch Project by Haxan Films)
Starting off as a fake documentary about three missing documentary film students, the directors realized that the B-roll footage of the three teens made for a better found-footage film than an actual documentary and used the hours of mockumentary footage in the trailer only. Long story short, with the power/birth of the internet, the film broke expectation and made a huge impact at Cannes. With thirty percent of viewers believing that the film was actually based on a true story during its opening weekend, the horror flick had grown men crying out of the theater. Supposedly.
Oddly, the cast of the film made an appearance at the MTV Movie Awards just days before its release. The film’s website claimed that the victims in the film were still missing. People really thought they were about to embarrass an actual snuff film. And I was one of them. It was the 90′s, okay.
(The Blair Witch Project by Haxan Films)
But the film is clearly using a strategy that was decades old. Cannibal Holocaust had done something eerily similar. The film is about film students from New York who crash their plane and find themselves victims of a tribe of cannibals in the rainforest. The depiction of human and animal deaths lead to the film being banned and the director arrested for making a snuff film ten days after it was released. Many believe this was fixed to bring in ticket sales and spread word-of-mouth of the film’s realism. Sound familiar? (just like TBWP) No one ever thought that the film could ever be remade during the long age of horror remakes in the 2000’s alongside the found-footage genre but they were half wrong.
(Cannibal Holocaust by United Artists Europa)
Eli Roth decided to remake the film but no longer have it be found footage and, well, changing the title and concept slightly. I wonder why? (no spine) But the goal and most of the premise were notably the same.
(Eli Roth pretending to give direction)
Eli Roth is known as one of the worst filmmakers of our time and has made only bad films. How he even has a heard voice little alone having people actually give him their money to make films is beyond me and many. Cabin Fever was not all that horrendous but not all that great and showcased the filmmaker as a bigoted and untalented filmmaker. (”don’t be gay”) Yet he went on to make even worse films like the torture porno Hostel before actually having Cabin Fever remade only fourteen years after it was released, which he produced. Remeber that one? Of course not. What is wrong with this world? Pancakes!
(Cabin Fever AKA Worst Film Ever by Lions Gate Films)
He rolled the dice and turned heads with the announcement of a Cannibal Holocaust remake-ish, or rip-off if that is how you like it, with The Green Inferno. It is truly an inexcusable film. One would think that his career would be over with after this embarrassment to the genre yet he continued on with even more success working with such actors as Bruce Willis and Keanu Reeves in action films. He is truly a testament that Hollywood has eaten itself alive. Are there just no more upcoming young horror directors out there in this world?
(The Green Inferno by Worldview Entertainment)
Why did The Green Inferno suck so damn hard? Well, one could build a long list but I will cut to the chase. In the film, the characters are trapped by the flesh-eating tribesmen in a cage. How do they escape? By taking a small dime-bag of marijuana that for some reason was not confiscated, shoving it into the throat of a corpse and waiting for the tribe to cook it. Somehow, magically, the small dime-bag of pot doesn’t soak in boiling blood as it roasts inside the throat of the corpse, manages to produce smoke and miraculously gets a tribe of at least a hundred natives stoned. This magic weed debilitates the tribe into a hallucinatory state that distracts the villagers as the main characters escape. The idea alone is not only completely unrealistic but unforgivable. And since Roth’s target audience is a bunch of stoned teenage boys, his viewers should know that a dime-bag of dank is not even going to get one person high enough to be distracted little alone an entire tribe. In my opinion, just based on this aspect of the narrative alone, Eli Roth should be shunned from the genre and kicked out of filmmaking altogether. Tell me I’m wrong.
The film bombed, no one thought it was a snuff film, it was not found footage and the overall story was terrible. The Green Inferno (1988) was an alternate title to the sequel to Cannibal Holocaust. The Green Inferno (2016) really was a stand-alone rip-off. It was an expected fail. Someone, please tell me how exactly the hell this man is still making films. It cannot be because he is buddy-buddy with Tarantino still. Jewish ancient mystery school powers? Blowing some executive? Let the mind wander. Unbelievable madness.
And yet, it has been announced that there will be a sequel to The Green Inferno entitled Beyond The Green Inferno. Of course, there are no details on the project. Someone just threw the idea on IMDB for the heck of it and it has ended up on a couple lists of upcoming horror films to expect in 2018. Let’s nip this in the bud. Together. By reading it to filth.
Still in development, as to who is writing or the directing the film is a mystery. I certainly will not pay money to see it but still pray that Eli Roth will not be attached in any way, shape or form. Let us pray that he will never be heard of again very soon. Like Ewe Boll.
Why so much troll-troll? Because enough is enough.
(The Green Inferno Alternate Ending)